First, a short sketch by Jim Gaffigan:

(video courtesy of

If you’ve never actually had a Hot Pocket, you shouldn’t run out and buy one to see what it’s like and why it is the rest of America finds this sketch so funny. Just trust me when I say the Hot Pocket is as dreadful as Gaffigan says, except it’s not hilarious while you’re eating it. I’ll admit that I went through an extremely brief period in my life when I would (gasp!) buy Hot Pockets — in fact, I went so far as to purchase the Lean Pockets — but I ceased and desisted after perhaps two boxes worth (I know, I know, I should’ve learned my lesson after one).

All that being said, I like the Hot Pocket in principle, mostly because of it’s portability. I love me some portable food (not because I’m a woman on the go…in fact I’m pretty lazy. But sometimes you just need to carry your meal around with you just…because.) Awhile back I was Pinteresting away and found a recipe for chicken pockets made with refrigerated crescent roll dough and realized, in a flash of brilliance, that I could absolutely make breakfast pockets using the same idea. And so I did.

The thing I love about putting pre-cooked foods together and then heating them up is that there are absolutely no rules. You can choose any concoction you’d like, so don’t feel as though you have to follow the recipe to a T. Do you prefer sausage over bacon? (shame on you.) Do you have an affinity for non-cheddar cheese? Do you want to add veggies? Go for it! In fact I don’t even have exact measurements — I kind of guesstimated when it came to how much I thought might fit into the crescent rolls (I was kind of incorrect, so the recipe following has been amended). I also made the ridiculous decision to tear my bacon slices into quarters and lay them in the roll dough, topping them with the eggs and cheese. Incorporate your bacon, people. Incorporate it.

1 package refrigerated crescent roll dough (I really recommend going the name brand route)
4 large eggs, scrambled
1/2 cup cheese, shredded
8 slices of bacon, crumbled

Preheat the oven to 350. Separate the crescent rolls and roll each out, very slightly. If you roll them out too thinly, then you will end up with holes, but keeping them “as is” means less space to cram all the good stuff in. Portion out the scrambled eggs, placing a small amount in the middle of each crescent roll. Top them with the crumbled bacon and shredded cheese. Pull the two smaller corners up over the egg mixture, then roll the longer corner around the top, pinching together any openings that still exist. Bake them for 11-13 minutes, or till the tops are golden brown, and let them cool for a couple minutes before devouring them like a wildebeest.